Thank you for sharing this (excellently written btw). As someone on the fence - but leaning towards having a kid in a few years - I really worry about the impact of it on my career for basically all the reasons you talk about in this article. My partner sympathises, but I don't think he fully understands what it means for me, or the quiet resentment I feel that he doesn't have the same worries or fears. If I could choose, I would always choose to be the father.
Its an honest account and I congratulate you for that. These things are hard to understand.I wrote about my account too and took me quite a while. My view is that what you describe does not only apply to women but to all. Men also have to work insane amounts in groups like McKinsey or else be served to leave. And it’s hard for all to take consequences of our choices. As a woman, I personally have always felt luckier, cause I got to grow kids in my body, a priviledge men will never have. Breastfeed, be the one they turn to for many months and maybe a lifetime. I think we cannot have all in life and there is a long way from dependency to senior partner in a big consulting group. To me it’s ok if to hold the most prestigious jobs one needs to give in day and nights. Fair enough. I just know that person is not me. I don’t want it. At least not until I have nothing better to do in life. It’s a choice. As much as it for a man. And there are plenty of jobs tha can bring independence without bringing insanity. I think we are going the other extreme here: with women wanting it all - the breastfeeding and the running a country with the baby attached to a boob. This is nonsense. Either or. We are not super hero nor machines and breastfeeding is exhausting and running a country deserves someone focused just as growing out of a womb does.
“You are welcome here, as long as motherhood doesn’t show.” Crikey. That hits hard but I feel SEEN. I want to print this article out and paper the head office of my organisation with it. Thank you for articulating something I’ve been struggling with.
How hard it still is for women — in every country, in every era. How vulnerable women become the moment they choose motherhood.
From my own experience: men support each other, listen to each other. A male subordinate's opinion often weighs more than a female colleague's. No one wants to admit she's right. A woman always has to go the extra mile just to be occasionally treated as an equal.
Thank you for writing this. The cost stopping with you — that's powerful. And necessary.
This is such a beautiful article. The storytelling and the vulnerability of it. It’s such a shame that companies don’t celebrate more of motherhood and give that balance… and that’s something we females always have to consider so much of.
I feel your emotion and struggle . The feeling that you need to be there to prove something but also the desire for someone to say it’s ok to stay and do it differently. Way to go. Thanks for sharing.
Oh my goodness, yes. My mother (a now retired nurse) spent my entire childhood drumming into my head to "never, ever work shifts". To her, my career in big tech looked like the dream job: "flexible" hours, good benefits, paid vacation etc. I spent a looong time trying to convince myself I was happy there, because I didn't want to seem ungrateful. Except that the work itself felt increasingly hollow and meaningless. After my daughter was born, I realized the last thing I'd ever want for her would be to stay somewhere that wasn't working for her for fear of letting me down. That, along with the many other changes big tech has undergone over the last decade was what finally made me admit that I needed to try something different.
Your story resonates. Staying uncertain rather than staying comfortable is REALLY HARD!!! But a powerful lesson to teach our daughters. I hope to do the same.
Thank you for sharing this (excellently written btw). As someone on the fence - but leaning towards having a kid in a few years - I really worry about the impact of it on my career for basically all the reasons you talk about in this article. My partner sympathises, but I don't think he fully understands what it means for me, or the quiet resentment I feel that he doesn't have the same worries or fears. If I could choose, I would always choose to be the father.
Its an honest account and I congratulate you for that. These things are hard to understand.I wrote about my account too and took me quite a while. My view is that what you describe does not only apply to women but to all. Men also have to work insane amounts in groups like McKinsey or else be served to leave. And it’s hard for all to take consequences of our choices. As a woman, I personally have always felt luckier, cause I got to grow kids in my body, a priviledge men will never have. Breastfeed, be the one they turn to for many months and maybe a lifetime. I think we cannot have all in life and there is a long way from dependency to senior partner in a big consulting group. To me it’s ok if to hold the most prestigious jobs one needs to give in day and nights. Fair enough. I just know that person is not me. I don’t want it. At least not until I have nothing better to do in life. It’s a choice. As much as it for a man. And there are plenty of jobs tha can bring independence without bringing insanity. I think we are going the other extreme here: with women wanting it all - the breastfeeding and the running a country with the baby attached to a boob. This is nonsense. Either or. We are not super hero nor machines and breastfeeding is exhausting and running a country deserves someone focused just as growing out of a womb does.
“You are welcome here, as long as motherhood doesn’t show.” Crikey. That hits hard but I feel SEEN. I want to print this article out and paper the head office of my organisation with it. Thank you for articulating something I’ve been struggling with.
How hard it still is for women — in every country, in every era. How vulnerable women become the moment they choose motherhood.
From my own experience: men support each other, listen to each other. A male subordinate's opinion often weighs more than a female colleague's. No one wants to admit she's right. A woman always has to go the extra mile just to be occasionally treated as an equal.
Thank you for writing this. The cost stopping with you — that's powerful. And necessary.
This is such a beautiful article. The storytelling and the vulnerability of it. It’s such a shame that companies don’t celebrate more of motherhood and give that balance… and that’s something we females always have to consider so much of.
I feel your emotion and struggle . The feeling that you need to be there to prove something but also the desire for someone to say it’s ok to stay and do it differently. Way to go. Thanks for sharing.
Oh my goodness, yes. My mother (a now retired nurse) spent my entire childhood drumming into my head to "never, ever work shifts". To her, my career in big tech looked like the dream job: "flexible" hours, good benefits, paid vacation etc. I spent a looong time trying to convince myself I was happy there, because I didn't want to seem ungrateful. Except that the work itself felt increasingly hollow and meaningless. After my daughter was born, I realized the last thing I'd ever want for her would be to stay somewhere that wasn't working for her for fear of letting me down. That, along with the many other changes big tech has undergone over the last decade was what finally made me admit that I needed to try something different.
Your story resonates. Staying uncertain rather than staying comfortable is REALLY HARD!!! But a powerful lesson to teach our daughters. I hope to do the same.